just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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