I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
