My sheets look like a crime scene.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
