so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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