it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
