I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just high enough for therapy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
