the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
