508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
