You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
