I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
