Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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