he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
