Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
