I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
