i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
