My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
