ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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