My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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