I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
