dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
