Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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