I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
