My room smells like vodka and shame
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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