woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
