I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
