I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize