Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
