just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
