My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
