Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
