His pubic hair was longer than his dick
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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