Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
