I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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