The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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