hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
