I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
