k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
honey bunches of taint.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
