we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize