i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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