They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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