I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
