She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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