it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
