so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
