we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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