i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
