My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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