He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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