Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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