Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
