I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
its not stalking. its research.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
