Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
