Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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