At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
