I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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