dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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