The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
