I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
