She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
