Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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