it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
