matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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