I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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