i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
That reminds me...we need to get swords
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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