I heard we made out
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
