When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
