Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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