Sponge bath it is.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
