Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
