Acid is not a monday night drug
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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