god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
