I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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