i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
