ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
