I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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