his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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