I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
