Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
