I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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